Roller Coasters and Inertia
Parenting a teenager and phantom braking
Last week, I dropped him and some friends a Six Flags so they could get a day of roller-coastering in before school starts. I did not enter the park. They did the coasters without me, thank goodness.
Not only will I never go on a roller coaster again (first and last time was in 8th grade at Rye Playland... it didn't go well.) But also... I'm just better off not seeing my kid whoosh up a metal contraption that goes upside down. I'm fine intellectually knowing about the controlled risk...but it is great that it can happen with out me. I don't need to witness that.
A few days later, we went out for some driving practice. He made it through the (painful) 30 hours of classroom driver's education this summer, and it is time to start logging hours behind the wheel.
Our first time we went to a cemetery. As fellow parent helpfully reminded me everyone there is already deceased, so presumably you can't kill anyone.
This outing found us careening around a golf course. Every time a Tesla or golf cart passed us going the other way I'd gasp, "slow down, slow down" and then after they passed without incident, I'd exhale and say, "you were driving in traffic, that was traffic, you are doing great." Apparently, this parent can cycle quickly from fear to encouragement.
I taught him to wait to really feel the stop... the little thud of your back against the warm seat. No rolling stops here. Later, I looked up inertia and saw "the tendency to resist acceleration."
Parenting a teenager makes me see my own inertia.
I'm trying to lean into the changes and not to constantly pump the brakes, but phantom braking on the passenger side is my parenting homework for this season.
Tracking Kids
Knowing your kid is out there riding their bike, out with kids you don't know, driving or riding rollercoasters can tempt parents to track them with locator apps or other methods. I wrote in Growing Up in Public about why I don't think we should be checking our kids locations (or grades) all the time, even though our phones allow it. Romper included me in this thoughtful article about parents who are resisting the pressures to track their kids.
Phone bans
Is your school trying a new phone policy this year? I'm hearing a lot about phone bans. If your school is doing something new, please let me know how it goes. I'm don't have a singular position on phone bans. Certainly, I oppose punitive policies and over-policing students, and we need to keep in mind the many accessibility and educational functions that phones can have.But I've been to schools where both teachers and students are struggling and they feel that a phone policy can help.
The best policies involve students, parents and educators in thoughtful planning as opposed to reactive policies put into place, hastily. If the concern about phones in school goes beyond classroom distraction to student wellness and social interaction, I'd love to see school implement cultures and policies that enable students to connect with one another as opposed to simply policing phone use.
Where to find me?
Thrilled to be part of a free panel with American Public Media's Brain's On Podcast, along with two other experts on kids and tech.
Join us for free tomorrow: Thursday, Aug. 15th 12pm PT / 2pm CT / 3pm ET.
I was also a guest on the podcast. I'm talking to kids on this episode, so expect something a bit different from a podcast for grownups.
I'll also be in Maine, Massachusetts, Texas, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston and Dallas again (!) this fall and winter. Not everything is on this schedule yet, as I'm still finalizing details with some schools and companies, but this is an outline of my schedule.
Reading Roundup
Still at the beach? I'm jealous. Not a light beach read, but a GREAT novel: I loved Memory Piece, by Lisa Ko. If you didn't go to art school in the 90s, I'm not as sure it will work for you...but give it a try!
I have read and blurbed this awesome book Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World by Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein and I love it! You can pre-order now, it is coming out on September 3rd. (Pre-orders really help authors!)
On the very same day, Tovah Klein's Raising Resilience: How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty is coming out, you should pre-oder that, too. I can't wait to read it.
I wrote Everyone Wants To 'Save the Children' From Social Media, but What About the Rest of Us? for Newsweek.
Wishing you a fun and low-stress school year!
As a parent who is trying not to track her children, this was extremely helpful to read today. Thank you, Devorah!
Love this! As always you capture the dilemmas of parenting perfectly. Thanks so much for the shoutout (and of course the blurb)!