Is my kid ready for a phone?
Don't surprise them! Or yourself. Why planning is best.
Why should you plan before getting your kid a phone?
Before you head to the Apple Store or Best Buy, you definitely want to plan!
This way you can get on the same page and set expectations in advance.
A phone is a BIG deal. They will be carrying the whole world in their pocket. Anyone can directly contact your kid if they have their phone number, email or social media details. Plus, on a smartphone, your child can access to the internet, which we know has some content that you may not want for your child. And even for big kids, we want to have tough conversations about content like pornography, etc. Plus, phones can be distracting, especially at school, so it’s worth really planning this decision out.
I was on Wake Up with Cheddar TV News talking with hosts Alicia Quarles and Shannon LaNier about the challenges of helping kids prepare for this big transition.
(you can watch the clip here)
What other factors can help parents decide if kids are ready for a phone?
You’re looking for independence milestones in your child or tween.
Can they walk to school independently?
Can they get some chores done independently?
Can they do their homework independently without a ton of oversight,
Would you leave them to watch another kid for a few minutes? An hour? If they can’t do anything yet for themselves, then they probably may not be ready for their own phone.
Maybe you want them to have a simpler device that allows some communication for now. You don’t need to go from having nothing to having a smartphone that they have 24/7 access
How mature are you kid’s social skills? Emotional regulation?
Are they impulsive?
Do they blow up at people?
Can they acknowledge and repair mistakes?
A phone can be offers a quick way to make a permanent record of those challenges… So it’s not ideal to give a kid a phone if they’re still working out crucial social skills. Even once they get a phone, it’s worth working with them on repair for the mistakes they (and all humans) will make.
Parents can look for those independence milestones, and start to work on practicing for the skills you want to see your child mastering, before you get them a phone.
On the other hand, here are some signs your child might not be ready just yet.
Good luck! This is an important decision.
It’s no wonder the #1 question I get from parents is “Is my kid ready for their first phone?”
If you’re nodding along, I created Phonewise Bootcamp for you.
For just $97, you get 4 weeks of lessons that will help feel confident that you’re teaching your child to make smart decisions on their phone, even when you’re not there.
In Phonewise Boot Camp, you’ll learn
How to know if your child is ready for a phone and what level of access is appropriate for their age.
To have calm and open discussions about social skills, etiquette, and setting up healthy boundaries
Simple and practical tools to use right away, like scripts for how to stay curious and handle conflicts, a phone contract between you and your kid.
How to be a positive digital role model and how to show your kids empathy.
That the idea of a phone isn’t scary anymore—you’re ready to get curious about your kids’ interactions with technology.
Phonewise is self-paced, so you can work through the content at your leisure, whatever works best for your schedule.
And you can revisit it as often as you want - if your kid’s phone use gets a bit wobbly (which is common!) come back to these resources to true your wheels and recommit, together.
My parenting approach is more nuanced now. I love having real, practical tools, like a parent-child phone contract to complement the philosophy and strategy of supporting learning and appreciating mistakes—even important ones—as opportunities. Phonewise lowered my anxiety level about my daughter and social media.
— Ari, father of a 11 year old daughter
If you know it’s time for your kid to get their first phone, but you’ve been anxious about getting started, Phonewise can help.
Do you have questions about the program? Just click reply and ask!
Best,
Devorah
P.S. If you’re a school or organization and you’d like to purchase Phonewise for your entire department, that is also a possibility!