How to win friends and influence people, (in grade school) or just meetup in Roblox.

Also-I'm doing an event with Debbie Reber specifically for parents of neurodiverse kids, on August 23rd!

We moved last summer and we’re still getting to know our new town and neighborhood - Thanks pandemic! My kid was in fifth grade when the world shut down and reentered in-person school in seventh grade.

A few crucial social milestones have passed since elementary school. Kids are making their own plans (with some scaffolding and checking in – ie “am I free on Saturday?” type questions and “can you drive me somewhere” kinds of requests.)

But kids are in a new place in terms of connecting with one another. And we can’t always facilitate. My kid’s new middle school doesn’t have a directory so my son is on his own if he wants to see someone outside of school – I can’t “help” by reaching out to parents.

And this is much to his relief, at this point. But there have been times where I miss my ability to reach out to other parents or even to know their names.

In your community, or at your kids’ school, that level of social independence may happen much sooner. Some kids are connecting independently and getting each other’s phone numbers, school email, or Roblox handle in 4th or 5th grade and communicating independently.

How can you help kids connect to peers? Especially for kids who don’t have a phone?

I like to teach kids the idea of FP–someone who has “friend potential”. Asking to meet up in Roblox, Minecraft, Fortnight or another online game can be a low stakes way to hang out outside of school with someone you like to talk to at lunch or recess.

If they then want to meet up in-person, are there places kids in your community go to hang out (school playground? library?) or is it more typical to hang out at someone’s house?

Teach kids what contact info they can share–if they don’t have a phone in elementary school, is it OK for the other kid’s parents to text you?

Or can they use school email to make a plan?

We can teach them to mindfully add contacts.

It can be nerve-wracking to make an open bid to see a classmate outside of school. If kids are struggling with that, and you have a good school social worker, counselor or a supportive teacher, see if there is anything they can do to support the process.

As clubs and after school activities resume, encourage your child to try something new. Clubs are about exploring interests but they are GREAT places to make friends and often allow more social time than the structured school day does.

A great book for all kids who need some good ideas for what to say is Catherine Newman’s What Can I Say. Filled with empathy and lovely illustrations, the book feels uplifting and not at all admonishing! She has advice for tricky situations including distancing yourself from a friend, showing empathy when others are struggling, and even kindly but firmly ending a dating relationship.

Special Event on August 23rd. We know that quirky kids can struggle with balancing tech-use and we decided to host an event just for parents of these amazing kids and teens.

Do you have a kid who is neurodiverse? A kid with ADHD or on the spectrum? Or a kid who has struggled emotionally in the past couple of years (like a lot of kids.)

Debbie Reber, author of Differently Wired and Founder of Tilt Parenting and I have been talking about how tough back to school can be for neurodiverse kids and how many parents of kids with ADHD, or non-verbal learning differences, or who are twice exceptional can struggle with this transition.

It’s called The Big Tech Reset

over the course of 1.5 hours, you’ll learn:

▪More about the ways kids use gaming, social media and Discord.

▪Strategies to promote unplugging and sleep.

▪How to navigate gaming and improve transitions.

▪How to help your kid navigate common social issues and conflicts that can come with texting, gaming and social media

If you are you in the deep end trying to figure out a path for navigating your kid’s screen and tech use…come and join us.

If you know someone who would benefit from this workshop, please forward them this email!

The suggested donation is $15, but it’s pay-what-you-will, so if you or another parent you know is struggling and needs this event–just select zero dollars and come on in.

We’d love to see you and we’ll collect questions from everyone who signs up and will answer as many as we can.

Best,
Devorah

PS: Reply to this email if you want to talk about bringing me to your community or workplace. Or grab a time here.