'Find your passion' is overrated
(so just make the cupcakes)
Recently, a mother at one of my talks told me that her son started high school having "no interests." She couldn't relate. As a teen, she had been highly motivated and took three buses to get to Second City Improv classes. Those classes set her on a path to her adult life as an actress, but more importantly, as a person.
Fortunately, she got that not everyone is going to find 'their thing' at 14. And that getting out of her comfort zone (not just the class itself) was an important part of growing up.
She told her son that he could have spending money for clothes and his favorite Boba place if he joined a club at school. Any club. She was expecting him to choose Anime Club or something in the arts realm. But he joined Auto Club. And he loves it!
It wasn't about picking the magic club that sent him on his chosen path in life. It wasn't about "finding his passion."
She just wanted him to meet some new people and have the experience of trying something new. And it worked.
Bonus: by the end of the year, he'll be able to change her oil.
Here's the thing. Find your "passion" is overrated. It is OK to try things and enjoy them and not excel at them or pursue them intensively.
Take sports. We all know it's great to experience teamwork and move around. Once kids are "weeded out" or simply not interested in playing a sport competitively, how can we make spaces where they can still play and enjoy them? Linda Flanagan has crucial insights about this in her book, Take Back The Game.
We need to let our kids and ourselves relax into "beginner's mind. But that can be tough when our culture encourages us to have mastery or walk away.
Another example: my husband sings in a non-audition-based, punk rock, "glee club." We love going to see them perform. And we love that our son gets to see his dad doing fun music things with people he likes. They are great. And they practice and work hard to prepare for shows. But sometimes someone sings "on book" with a binder at shows because they all have jobs and do glee club in their spare time.
If your kid is feeling pressure to "find their passion" or thinking of quitting an activity they love because they aren't the very best at it, try modeling that it is great to do things that you enjoy without needing to commit to this being your "thing."
It is great to suck at something, says Karen Rinaldi. She’s right.
We don't want to only do things that we're uber-talented at nor do we have to turn every talent into a specialty. Here are a few things I enjoy but...am not especially good at.
▪Salsa dancing
▪Drawing
▪Riding a bike (really--I can barely use gears)
We can model this for our teens and tweens to help them build a life where they might enjoy something like a weekly frisbee meetup with friends without having to excel at it.
What does any of this have to do with tech?
For one thing, your kids' taste in YouTube and TikTok videos (and other content) can be a clue to experiences and new skills they could explore beyond the screen. Those interests could be useful. If your kid is watching cooking shows, encourage them to make dinner!
If they are collecting crafting pins on Pinterest, take them to your local recycling center to get some supplies. Let them redecorate their room. There are a lot of clues in our kid's favorite channels, but we may need to help them facilitate the leap from video inspiration to trying things offline.
That first cake or decorated pumpkin might not look like they hoped, but the process is more important. Your kid doesn't need to have dreams of being a chef to enjoy making and eating some cupcakes.
A Map of Kids' Digital Milestones
If you are new here, I wanted to share this again since I’m still super geeked out about it! I always wanted a sketch note of one of my parent talks. Emily Mills created this incredible graphic, summarizing a recent talk. Here is a link to the sketch note in case it isn't showing up below. It takes a moment to load on my website.
See you soon,
Devorah
DevorahHeitner.com
PS: Are you or your kids feeling overwhelmed or stressed by school, work, or life in general? If you feel like stockpiling some tools to help grow resilience in yourselves and your kids, come join me at the online Be Resilient Summit. Delighted to be speaking there along with amazing experts like Ned Johnson, author of The Self-Driven Child, and What Do you Say? Dr. Traci Baxley, author of Social Justice Parenting, and Debbie Reber, author of Differently Wired.
You can register for your free ticket HERE.
